


Minecraftia Police Files

by shutupimshakira (Sniperdoodle)



Category: Hat Films - Fandom, The Yogscast
Genre: An Epic Hatventure, Gen, Magical Detectives, Mystery
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-06
Updated: 2015-07-05
Packaged: 2018-04-07 22:03:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,635
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4279563
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sniperdoodle/pseuds/shutupimshakira
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Minecraftia is a world of magic and science where the two coexist peacefully, however, Minecraftia itself is not so peaceful. At the northern section of the Minecraftia Police Force, the police officers work hard to solve Minecraftia's biggest murder mysteries. Team 4, made up of Kris Trott, Al Smiffy, Ross D.J. H. Max, Sips A. Million, and Turpster Vision, are the force's most underestimated team and is average at best, but they're forced to embark on a journey that could change Minecraftia forever, as they follow their case to learn more about the mysterious gang called the Watchers.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Minecraftia Police Files

**Author's Note:**

> Well, my first official Yogscast fanfic. I actually haven't worked on this in a while but the first six chapters are done and I have the plans for the rest of the series. It's a Urben Magic AU inspired Magical Police fic, based mainly off of An Epic Hatventure, which is in my top three Hatfilms Minecraft series (with Skyblock and Feed the Beast). So, I hope you enjoy. I'll try to remember to get the next chapter up in a week.

                "It's impossible to work!"

                Chief Inspector Xephos Blue looked up from the papers he was just shuffling to Constable Kris Trottimus. As Chief Inspector, Xephos was in charge of the northern sector of the police force in Minecraftia, and most of the dirty work was passed to them. Insane murderers, serial killers, and the worst of gangs were only some of the things they were dealing with at the moment.

                "What is?" Xephos questioned the Constable.

                "There's no wifi anywhere!" Trottimus protested. Trott was one of the few members on the force who did not use magic. He was a technological expert, and the only others who didn't use magic were the Lalnae, Constable Teeps, and Sergeant Will Strife. Everyone else in the division used magic.

                "What?" Xephos set down the papers in his hands, utterly confused.

                Trott sighed, "The thing that allows me to be connected to the world wide web and I can look up information on or videos."

                "Oh, that thing," Xephos realized. "I don't see what the problem is."

                "I'm trying to track gang activity," Trott argued. Team 4 were working on bringing an end to the gang known as the Watchers. The only problem was that there were many members, but the Police only knew of three: the Overseer, the Guardian, and the Maker. The others were a mystery. "I need access to the internet to follow them online. At their last base, there was a computer and we found a router, but they destroyed all the information on both drives. If I had access to the internet here, it would be much easier to track them."

                "I don't understand," Xephos admitted. All this tech stuff flew over his head. Most magic users never bother learning anything about this strange tech stuff because they had magic, even though they lived side by side with those who relied on technology for their whole lives.

                Trott groaned. Xephos _never_ understood.

                "Look, doesn't Lalna #2 have this strange wi-fee thing you talk about in his lab?" Xephos asked.

                "I'm not doing all my work in Lalna's lab," Trott argued. "They have Lalnable's last three victims cut open in there and Nano will bully me. Remember the time she used that curse on me?"

                "Yes," Xephos replied. "But we can't install this strange tech thing right now. We have to focus on more important things."

                "This is important!" Trott stressed.

                "Look, you continue searching for the Watchers with the rest of your team, and I'll do my job by trying to find and capture Israphel," Xephos replied, completely off-topic.

                "This has nothing to do with Israphel," Trott argued. "This is about me able to do my job. I can't search for the Watchers without internet."

                "Don't you have your strange black box thing?" Xephos asked.

                "I can't do my job on my call phone," Trott was so done.

                "Look, I can't deal with this now," Xephos was done with Trott. "I don't understand technology. I've tried, but magic always seems like a better resource to use. I understand it must be frustrating with the Watchers, and they are one of the major problems in the city. However, there are other problems as well, older problems. And by that, I mean Israphel. He's been terrorizing this city since before you were in high school, and it's my job to capture him. It's frustrating for me, since I have all eyes on me at all times to capture this villain. I would take the time to try and help you, but with the pressure heavily on me lately, I can't. All of our resources have to go to capturing all these villains: Israphel, Lalnable, Strawfingers, and finally the Watchers. I'm sorry but I can't take the time to do this. Good luck with your search."

                Trott sighed. He knew that it was all true, unfortunately. He still needed wifi and modern technology so he can do his work, since he lacked magic.

                Trott walked out of Xephos's office defeated, over to his corner of the office.

                Team 4 was considered one of the lowest teams in the office. You had Team 1, high and mighty, trying to capture the biggest bad guy Minecraftia had ever seen: Israphel. Team 2 was made up of the noble Rythian and the best shooter in the whole force, Teeps, including the brightest mind this side of the Skyblock, Lalna #2 and his apprentice Nano. Team 3 was the incredible duo of Sjin and Lalna #3, probably considered great because of their boasting, otherwise they would have been considered average like Team 4, going after the allusive Strawfingers. Team 5 was made of Ridgedog, the demigod, and Bebop, the automaton (they have an unfair advantage because they aren't even human). Finally, Team 6 fell on the shoulders of the brilliant Will Strife and the clumsy yet effective Parv.

                And then you had Team 4. It seemed like a team of average joes. Lead by Sergeant Sips A. Million, his real aspiration was to sell the best dirt in all of Minecraftia in a multi-millions company. Following him was the irreplaceable Constable Turpster Vision, the architect Constable Ross D.J.H. Max, and the pyromaniac Al Smiffy. You also had Constable Kris Trottimus, the only normal one out of the bunch.

                "So, was it a success?" Trott was greeted by Smiffy, who was leaning back at his desk, playing with a lighter. Smiff didn't really need a lighter, he was more than good in his primary magic: fire (though he was considered a prodigy as a young child, and had skills in all types of magic. He chose fire out of all of them because he was a fucking pyromaniac).

                "No," Trott sighed, falling into his desk. He could look around the office, barren of all forms of technology aside from the phones he, Strife and the Lalnae carried around. Xephos had a type-writer hidden somewhere, and there were a couple of landlines, but nothing extraordinarily recent.

                "Don't worry mate, you'll get your strange wifi thing someday," Ross tried to comfort Trott. Ross, like most everyone at the office, didn't get what was so great about technology. He, however, was well-versed in the most recent architectural designs and building technology, since he truly desired to become an architect. He learned Stone Magic for a reason-so he could build his buildings out of the grandest stone and marble.

                "I doubt it," Trott sighed. "I mean look at this place! It's a technology blackout!"

                "Why don't you bring your own router?" Smiff asked. Unlike most, Smiff knew a bit about technology since his father was a normal engineer, and he had roomed with Trott for a while. Unlike Ross, Smiff was actually curious and Trott taught Smiff all he could about technology and science.

                "I'd have to pay," Trott sighed. "I really don't want to pay for two routers."

                "So," Sips came over to the corner carrying a box of doughnuts, Turps following short behind him. "Find anything?"

                "I can't find anything because we don't have internet," Trott sighed.

                "Okay well," Sips went and sat at his desk. Sips was a laid back dude, not fast to get anything done. He was also very likable and funny-maybe that was because he was Canadian. He was one of the most powerful people on the force: his dirt magic was literally earth-shattering, and he could turn his body into dirt to be impervious to harm. "We have a new assignment. Xephos gave it to me yesterday."

                The four constables groaned. As if they didn't already have enough problems as it was with a gang of mysterious beings that no one knew anything about, they were about to piled on with another assignment.

                "Really? Don't we have our hands full with the Watchers?" Turps said what everyone was thinking. Turps was the most destructive out of the five men, with his specialty crash magic. He was also a ball of energy, always ready for the next thing.

                "Yeah, that's what I said," Sips replied.

                "Couldn't he have gotten Team5 or Team 6 on it since they don't have any assignments?" Trott asked.

                "I said that too, but Xephos gave it to us because we aren't making on progress on the Watchers," Sips answered.

                "We can't make any progress because we don't have the technology for it!" Trott groaned.

                "Hhm, yeah, but we're supposed to go after this person called Sand Girl. She's supposed to turn anything she touches into sand. Shouldn't be that hard to find her, and then we can move on with the Watchers," Sips explained.

                "Yeah, that'll be easy," Smiff took the folder from Sips's hands. "Me and Turps can go out on the beat and search for her. Find the nearest trail of sand and follow it until we catch up with her."

                "Sounds great," Sips agreed as some encroached upon Team 4's corner.

                "Hey guys," Inspector Lomadia got the team's attention. She was carrying a fresh beige folder, which looked like it was going to be headed in their direction. "This just came in. We think that it has to do with the Watchers."

                Sips took the folder from Lomadia and opened it, taking a quick look inside. He looked up back to her and stated, "Yep this is the Watchers."

                "So you're good?" Lomadia checked.

                "No, we just got another case about this 'Sand Girl'," Sips replied. "Do you think there's any way we could get it off our hands since we're going to be busy with this?"

                Sips pointed to the folder in Smiff's hands, so Lomadia took it and looked through, "Seems like an easy enough case. I'll check in with Xephos to see if it can be passed on to Team 5 or 6, since it shouldn't be much of a problem for them. If I can't get it passed down, it'll be waiting on your desk when you return."

                Lomadia left with the folder, and Sips debriefed the group on the new case.

                "Okay, so this is definitely the Watchers. It's from the Overseer," Sips declared, showing the group the picture in the folder. "We should get to the crime scene ASAP."

                As per custom, the team took off. Outside Sips and Turps hopped in their car, and Ross, Trott and Smiff got into theirs, following close behind.

                "Why are you still so glum chum?" Ross asked Trott, who was stuck in the back seat for this trip. Smiff was driving, going faster than needed without his siren on.

                "I'm still pissed about the wifi thing," Trott explained.

                "Just go to Kirin. He can over-ride anything Blue says," Smiff suggested.

                "I don't want to go to Kirin!" Trott protested. To be honest, Trott was scared shitless by Commissioner Kirin Dave, the Storm Sage, one of the most powerful people in all of Minecraftia, and the head of the Police Force.

                "Why?" Smiff asked, as though it was no big deal.

                "He's scary!" Ross protested, understanding where Trott was coming from.

                "Yeah but I've heard he's a pretty innovative person," Smiff began. "You've seen HQ. It has touch screen laptops, tablets, flat-screen TVs. If you bring your concerns to him, he'll probably order Xephos to modernize, or come in and do it himself."

                "Yeah, but he's still scary!" Trott protested. "With his crystal antlers, and three eyes, and dark gray skin!"

                "You're not exactly approachable either Trott," Smiff pointed out. "With your tusks and all."

                Instinctively, Trott's hand moved to his tusks, which oddly protruded from his upper jaw, "Don't make fun of my tusks!"

                "I wasn't making fun of them. I was pointing out the facts," Smiff argued. "You don't think Kirin is approachable because he's got a lot of odd things goin' about him, while you got two shiny walrus tusks stickin' out of your face."

                "You're one to say that Smiff," Ross pointed out. It seemed like he was going to take Trott's side today, since he often flickered between sides when argument like this surfaced. "You always look a bit green around the gills."

                Smiff frowned, he was good at concealing it with magic, but he was truly greener than Kermit the Frog. Still, underneath the covers, you could still see a bit of the green and the blazing blue fire of his eyes.

                "Stuff it Cousin It!" Smiff argued. Like to two others of the terrible trio, Ross had a bit of an appearance problem too, only in the form of an abundance of hair.

                "What did you say to me?" Ross asked.

                "Stuff. It. Cousin. It," Smiff repeated.

                "Yeah, well my hairy fist around about to collide with your face!" Ross shouted.

                "Bring it on!" Smiff jeered.

                "Okay, how about instead of turning it on, we turn it off!" Trott snapped.

                "Oh now the talking walrus is going to preach to us!" Smiff began to get angry, and was going to start tearing a new one with both of them.

                "We're here," Trott pointed out.

                "Oh," the fire of Smiff's anger died down as he noticed their surroundings matched the one in the photograph. "Well then, let's get out."

                As per police custom, they had to wear the hat, or more correctly helmet. So matching Sips and Turps as they stepped out of their car, the helmet went on their heads and the belt right on their chins as they got onto the pavement.

                "Wow," Turps said as the trio joined him and Sips right outside of the caution tape. This was definitely a crime done by the Watchers, no doubt about it.

                The shop trapped in by the caution tape was untouched, aside from a wall of text written in blood red on the window, signed by the Overseer. Like all his other messages, it was neat and clean, looking as though it was type out, even though it was written in blood. The message probably had an explanation about an 'adventure', and some insults about Smiff, Ross and Smiff, as it always does if it's from the Overseer. Three bodies were laid in front of the shop. They were dead, but arranged to look as though they were just peacefully sleeping.

                Already on the scene was the forensics team, AKA Lalna #2 and his apprentice Nano Sounds. They were officially apart of Team 2, but as the sector's only forensics team, they had to work for everyone.

                "All dead," Lalna #2 walked over to the edge of the caution tape. "We don't know the cause of death. I would predict that it was poison, but probably like all of the other ones, their insides will look like they've been skewered."

                "Still no marks on the skin?" Sips asked.

                "None at all," Lalna #2 explained. "You can come in if you like. We should hurry though. Nano and I will have make room for these three bodies along with the three most recent Lalnable victims."

                "Alright," Sips stepped into the caution tape followed by Turps to go and read over the wall of text. Ross and Smiff went over to look at the bodies, avoiding the text for the time being, so Trott decided that this would be a good time to talk to Lalna.

                "Hey Lalna," Trott began.

                "Yeah?" Lalna #2 replied, probably ready to get back to work.

                "Do you think you could ask the other two Lalnae to come with me to HQ to see if we can get Kirin to convince Xephos to get wifi in the station?" Trott asked Lalna #2. He desperately didn't want to go alone, and he guessed that the two other Lalnae would want to come along, since they didn't have wifi as well.

                "I don't know," Lalna #2 replied. He and Nano (well mainly Nano), had a problem with Trott, Ross and Smiff.

                "C'mon on man," Trott pleaded. "I thought we were buds. You let me pet your cat."

                Lalna #2 looked over his shoulder at Nano, who was standing over by their car. Even though she was his intern, it sometimes looked as though Nano was the boss of Lalna, "Fine. They wouldn't mind coming with you. They’d actually love to have wifi. Strife too. I actually got my wifi from Kirin."

                "Really?" Trott asked.

                "Yeah,” Lalna #2 began to explain. "It really hindered by work to not have up-to-date technology. We had an old filing cabinet filled with out-of-date information, so since Xephos wouldn't upgrade me I went to Kirin. He understood and he personally supervised the revision of my entire lab. Before it looked like a castle. He's really invested in our division, since we're working to solve most of the major crimes in the city. He'd be more than happy to help you if it helps your case."

                "Thanks," Trott replied, happier to have the information on his shoulders.

                "Trott!" Smiff called the constable over. "Time to read!"

                "I'd better go," Trott turned back to Lalna #2.

                "No problem," Lalna #2 replied. "I have to get back to work anyway."

                Trott walked away with a mutual head nod and joined Ross and Smiff up against the window of the convenience store. Through the window Trott could see that the store was intact.

                "Well let's begin," Ross declared. He cleared his throat and began to read in a rusted tone. They had been working to catch the Watchers for so long, Ross had developed a voice for the strange Overseer. " **Oh look who's back? If you twats would stop whining about a lack of wifi, then maybe you would get more stuff, and maybe we could actually meet face to face.  It's the same as always though. Mr. Pencil Beard doesn't know how to shave, the sick one still has his explosive tendencies, and the smelly one is still using technology (which we may or may not be using. We might as well give you a clue since you can't figure anything out on yourselves!).  Well, you're not going to find me this way! Forget about your friends, the dirty ones. The Watchers want you three adventures. From, the motherfucking Overseer**."

                "Randy as always," Smiff sighed.

                "I don't see why he's always interested in you three," Sips declared. "Me and Turps are interesting too!"

                "And we're not dirty!" Turps argued.

                "That's just the way the world works," Smiff sighed.

                "Also, I don't understand why he insisted I have a pencil beard," Ross declared. "I have to shave every day to make sure that I don't look like Bigfoot. There's no way that it can look like it was done by pencil!"

                "Wait," Nano came up behind Team 4, apparently having listened to the reading of the Overseer's message. Lalna #2 was over by the van, cleaning up some of his supplies and getting ready to carry back the three bodies to his lab. "The Watchers want you three: Trott, Ross and Smiff."

                "Yep, the same as always," Ross replied.

                "Why?" Nano asked. Team 4 collectively shrugged. "You all don't know why?"

                "We don't even know who the fucking Overseer is!" Smiff complained.

                "Is this why you three were put on the case? Because the Watchers want to use you as their playthings?" Nano asked Smiff, Trott and Ross.

                "Well, we were the first to discover the Watchers," Trott recalled. "We were called out to a mysterious crime with a wall of text written on a wall-that later turned out to be blood. It was written to us, from the Overseer. Since then, we just worked on trying to find out who it is and who the Watchers are. All the information we've been given have come from these walls of texts directed to us, because the only Watcher who talks is the Overseer."

                "Well there was that time the Guardian talked to us," Ross added.

                "That was only one time," Trott replied.

                "Then how do you know that they Watchers are real?" Nano questioned.

                "You see those dead bodies," Smiff pointed to the three bodies on the ground. "There's your proof."

                "I doubt that's really any good proof," Nano rolled her eyes.

                "Oh just shut up. Why are you all interested anyway?" Smiff countered.

                "Because I'll have to be cutting open these bodies later today," Nano argued. "And I just heard a curious reading of a wall of text from a mysterious murderer. Of course I'm going to be curious."

                "You may as well keep your nose out of it," Turps advised. "It's only going to give you a headache if you think too hard about it."

                "Why are you five working on this case?!" Nano protested. "This is a real mystery. Everyone knows who Israphel is, and everyone knows who Lalnable or Strawfingers is. We just have to track them down. So why are you five, who are definitely not the brightest on the force, working on this mystery?"

                "Well these letters are directed to us," Ross pointed out.

                "And Xephos assigned us to the case," Sips finished.

                Nano seemed frustrated by this, but she was stopped by Lalna.

                "Nano! Stop agitating Team 4 and come and help me put these bodies in the van!" Lalna #2 called for his apprentice.

                "I'm not done," Nano finished as she walked off.

                "I doubt it," Smiff rolled his eyes.

                "Well, we have all we need now," Sips declared. "Nothing new."

                "Yes, something new," Trott pointed out. "Do you not see the new clue the Overseer gave us? They are using technology now, like they had at their last base. This is great!"

                "Oh, right," Sips realized.

                "I guess you now have to go to Kirin," Smiff informed Trott.

                "Don't worry, according to Lalna #2, Kirin will be more than happy to help," Trott replied. "We may be getting closer."

                "Good," Ross replied. "I'm getting tired of playing this game."


End file.
